"Losing Nineteen" by Judge Lynn C. Toler

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Just resting in the heat, between bouts of packing today, I channel surfed the TV over to "Divorce Court." I like Lynn Toler. I think she ought to be in politics, rather than daytime TV, but it's not my call.

She made a Brother cry today: called him out for being "tirfling." That's not why he cried, though. She explained to him about jail. Lots of young guys would rather serve a sentenc than go to traffic school, get on probation, pay a fine they can't afford. They say, I can do jail." Well, Judge Toler about lost it. She asked the fellow why young men like him can't understand that when they do jail, Black women do jail, too: the mothers, daughters, wives, girlfriends, babies mommas . . .

She said that, when a Brother goes to jail, it makes all of weaker, that the women need them, that the race can't make it on only the women, carrying the load for the men, too.

Made him bow his head and wipe his eyes.

She mentioned a magazine article she'd written, "Losing Nineteen," on the subject. I found it.

http://www.judgelynn.com/toler-divorce-court/pdf/19losing.pdf

My email to Toler:

Your Honor,

I discovered you through "Divorce Court." It comes on here during my midday nap time.

Once in a while, you get a few seconds on that show in which you get to speak truth to power. I always hope I'll catch you at one of those moments.

I wonder how you got to Harvard. I wonder why you're on daytime TV, instead of running for the US Senate, so I might, one day, vote for you in a Presidential election.

I'm old, sick and tired. My opportunities passed, a long time ago. Oh, I do a bit of community radio. And I try to be useful in whatever town I find myself. But my dreams and goals for myself are small and humble now.

Young women like you give me hope. To see a young woman of color: honest about her struggles with emotional control, about a dysfunctional system that's fed by jaded victim/perpetrators and know you're trying to live a conscious and ethical life gives me courage.

Just because I can't fully be the change I'd like to see in the world doesn't mean the change isn't happening.

And it's good to know it's coming from people who know the terror of mentally unstable parents, stacked decks and a superficial system of "values" that place appearance over substance. It's good to see you, actively resisting the poisons that would wipe us out.

I mean it, though. Maybe when your boys are grown enough, if you still have the spit and the fire, you might consider a career shift to politics.

I suppose you've decided, though, that you can reach more people at risk on daytime TV than you could on Capital Hill.

Thank you for making a living, instead of a killing.