Poverty Is Not an Accident

Poverty Is Not an Accident
Nelson Mandela

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

What's "professional" got to do with it?

You are reading http://livinginthehood.blogspot.com

You can't talk to people like they're pigs and not expect them to become angry, not in the REAL world.

You called me a cheat. You called me a liar. You called me lazy. You said I was making excuses. You called me a victim. You threw information you had about my past at me as personal attacks, out of context and misconstrued. This is the "professional behavior" you choose to model?

Stop maligning my character. I requested REASONABLE ACCOMMODATIONS for an ABLE BODIED/ MINDED employee, let alone someone who's disabled employee, and you're furious!

YOU are the one whose behavior is unprofessional.

I'm a part time employee. You spy on me and expect to have access to me 24/7, whenever you get a whim. I had NO WAY of knowing this was some sort of job requirement, yet the first time I'm out of contact over night, you go ballistic?

You call ME emotional, yet you let your paranoia take over and will NOT talk to me as a peer and a professional, but as some sort of charity case, loser, inferior, servant. You assume your warped perceptions of me are correct, react accordingly, never give the benefit of the doubt (because, of course, your insights are brilliant and always correct, and never need to be examined.)

It was YOUR idea to hire me, not mine. And you complain. It was YOUR idea to pay me in advance every month, not mine. And you complain. It was YOUR idea not to assign me a reasonable work load, but to overwhelm me with unreasonable demands and assign tasks in the middle of the month, not mine. And you complain. WHO is acting like a victim?

It was YOUR idea to demand multiple meetings from me, per day, without pay, at your whim, not mine. It was YOUR idea to IM me and telephone me without asking, "can you talk now?" And you complain. It way YOUR idea to ignore the fact that I have another life besides working for you. And you complain. I had to beg to go to the bathroom, as you droned on and on about a stalker who persecuted you 20 years ago, even though I've heard this story half a dozen times, and it has no relevance to my employment.

I'm too emotional? I was under PERSONAL attack by someone who was calling herself an employer and friend! Turns out, all you are is judge and jury, alright.

It's $250.00 per month, apparantly $3.00/hr., according to what you've said. NO amount of money can get me to bend over and be anybody's bitch. I'd earn more, working at McDonald's than for you, anyway, AND get treated with more respect -- AS REQUIRED BY LAW. Look down your nose at pitiful Donna, working at McDonald's. Right now, she looks smarter than you do.

I didn't resort to personal attacks during this entire, paranoid witch hunt you set up, to put me in my place, terrorize me with irrational, unprofessional and unpredictable attacks and set up an hostile work environment for me. I SINCERELY tried to understand what you wanted, and for THAT you attacked me, as well. I was patient and considerate, and really tried to listen to you. You never granted me the same respect.

But you've earned hearing what I think of you, personally.

At least I have honest emotions. Yours are gone, destroyed in a cloud of THC. If you're so much more evolved than I, why do you have to change your brain chemistry with a mind (BRAIN) altering drug? From what are you hiding?

God, the years I've paid long distance bills to listen to you repeat your long stories, lose your train of thought, sit silently without responding or finishing what you were saying, or repeating "uh....uh......uh" and talk about how smart you are!

EXAMPLE: You didn't want my feedback on this game of yours. You completely ignored anything I said about it, as usual, to rhapsodize about what a wonderful idea you've had -- again. I'm just supposed to sit here and listen to your brilliance, without interruption, conversation, ideas of my own or feedback.

Unless people chant, "D...tte, you're awesome!" you have no use for us mere mortals, unsteeped in marijuana fumes.

You pissed away HALF AN HOUR in that ridiculous, pointless "Chat meeting" of yours, while people talked about reality television and emails! You made ME do it, too! But I wasn't allowed to speak, because I'm "unprofessional!" Uh, huh.

You complain when an employee comes to you with a PROFESSIONAL, REASONABLE request to inform her of her JOB DUTIES, because it's taking up too much of your precious time??? What about MY time?

WHO doesn't value whose time? WHO is acting like a victim? WHO is cheating whom? WHO is lying and stealing from whom? WHO is making excuses? This is complete and utter projection; everything of which you've accused me is your issue, not mine.

If you were ANYBODY else, I'd sue you under ADA rules.

I think you're suffering from paranoid, grandiose dementia -- possibly from DECADES of chronic marijuana abuse. I think that, if you start treating other employees and contractors the way you've treated me, you're flushing your business down the toilet.

I have been a loyal and dedicated employee, friend, advocate of your business, at considerable personal expense. Yes, I've been through HELL in my personal life. That's not fodder for your tyranical tantrums.

How many times have you been raped? How many of your babies have died? How many times have you been homeless -- NOT by choice. How many beatings have you survived? Is your brain damaged from it? How many times have you had to wipe torn genitals with something other than soft toilet paper, because you couldn't afford to buy some, and were too afraid of your neighbors to ask to borrow money?

"Walk a mile in my shoes" doesn't mean that you require ME to walk in YOURS. I can't. I'm honest about that.

I'm quitting because I told you to back off calling me a victim, and to apologize for it. I received no reply from you. I refuse to be treated this way. If that's acting like a victim in your warped, tyrannical universe, so be it. For those of us in the REAL world, there's not enough money in the universe for anybody to buy my dignity.

Friday, January 11, 2008

My work

You are reading http://livinginthehood.blogspot.com

The situation between us is very confusing to me. I'm very unclear on what my duties are.

When we talked initially, you'd said you wanted me to write tutorials on HTML. That changed to that pbb or whatever it's called, even though I really don't know that very well. But I began studying it, so I'd be ready when you needed me. In the chat meeting yesterday, you said your "html geek" had bailed on you. I didn't say anything in the meeting, but I sure didn't understand that one.

Then, you wanted me to write an Advent calendar, even though Advent had already begun. We'd already decided I'd be working for you, back in midNovember. That would have been a good time for me to have started working on Advent, to get several days ahead. Right in the middle of me writing for Advent, you wanted me to write a tutorial on something; I forget what, but I wrote it.

At the end of December, you said you wanted me to write on literature, beginning in January. So, on my own, I began researching online novels and libraries, criticism, etc. But in January, you said you now want me to write frugal living articles.

I must bring up another point. Back in late November, you mentioned you want me to work 20 hrs. per week. That's $3.12 per hour. I assumed it was a slip of the tongue, but I know I easily put in 20 hrs. on the Advent pieces, and you would have liked to have me write 25 days' worth. I believe I wrote close to 10 articles last month, definately more than 5.

Yesterday, I waited all day for you to assign me something. As agreed, I contacted you by IM in the morning. You told me to reconnect after 12:30. When I did, you said I was early and said I should contact you after 3pm. When I did, you wanted me to go through an elaborate set up procedure for a chat to which I already had access by another means. You told me to attend the chat, but to only observe, not speak. When I did that, you private messaged me because I wasn't talking. When I explained why, you said, "You know what I mean." No, I didn't. I sat here, observing this meeting, for over an hour. The first half hour was small talk and chat, not business, as far as I could see.

Yes, I played Civilization during the first chat. It was slow and boring, sitting here, waiting for someone to type something. So I played a game at the same time. And I mentioned that in the meeting. I had no idea I'd violated anything. Others spoke of what was going on in their lives; I was just doing the same. I played Civilization during chat last night, too.

I'm trying very hard to be available to work for you. The many meetings yesterday ate up my whole day. I couldn't edit; I need hours of uninterrupted time to do audio work. I couldn't take a nap. I couldn't work in the yard or wash dishes. Finally, my dog pooped on my bedroom floor, because she's used to being walked around 6:30, but I couldn't leave the computer. Nothing in that meeting pertained to me, as near as I can tell, and I'm not sure why I was there.

The last thing you IMed me was that you would be telephoning me on your skype thing this morning. I was here all morning, until 10:30. I have no phone messages, emails, IMs or anything else from you. I got back around 12:30; your IM thing was off. I did chores and waited around.

You know I can work. You know I'm smart, resourceful and honest. In one of our IM sessions yesterday, you said I need to earn my keep, by taking some of the burden off you (I'm paraphrasing; I don't remember exactly what you'd said, but you put a "$" in one of the words. I felt like you believe I'm not trying to work, but was afraid to say anything.

I need you to sit down with Bxxxx, or someone, and write out a detailed list of my monthly tasks, estimate the hours it might take, and email them to me, so I can refer back to what my duties are.

I'm trying so hard to get out of this victimized living and financial situation I'm in. It's very stressful and I never know, from day to day, what kind of shit is going to hit the fan next.

I need my work life to be dependable, respectful, efficient, calm and supportive.

If I've pissed you off by writing this, I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do about that. I have to be honest. If you want your $500 back, I'll just have to make payments.

But I can't keep doing this.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

to B

You are reading http://livinginthehood.blogspot.com

My girlfriend bought a huge, Ryder moving van. It's got a 15 foot box on the back. We slept in it in the dead of winter, on a cross-country trip along the Santa Fe Trail, all the way to Kansas City and back. She was producing a video about the Santa Fe trail, based on a radio production we'd done for the station. It was quite a trip! Thing is, that old truck gets 10mpg, even on the highway, not fully loaded. So, I'll be saving my nickels & dimes to drive down there. About how many miles is it, so I can start planning?

My girlfriend & I are splitting up in the summer. She lost her mind and punched me in the head. I said, that's it. As soon as I can afford to get you out of here, you're moving out. She's planning to move in July. The end.

My lease will be up right around then, too. This place is overpriced, for one thing. For another thing, the landlady is loco. I mean she's really nuts. I think she's high most of the time, and writes emails while drunk. It's a duplex. The neighbors in front LITERALLY spy on us, complain about us constantly, and block my access to the driveway and the passageway to the back yard. Since I have 2 goats, it's rather inconvenient to be hauling feed and goats through the KITCHEN! LOL.

So, I hope not to be living here for another year.

And I've been thinking. My income, beyond my $700.00 disability crumbs, is all based on internet, pretty much.

I work for Laura, the lady who published the dumpster piece and most of the other stuff you found on the web page with that. She pays me $250/month to write for her website.

With some MINOR modifications, I could do telephone interviews for radio from my home computer. I can always drive in to the station, too, like I did with you guys. That's an extra $650, after taxes, every 3 months.
Basically, my monthly income is about $1250.00 now, plus or minus.

I hate Albuquerque. It's a town full of butt sniffing gossips. It has a long tradition of persecuting anybody perceived as "different." Basically, the hillbillies in rurual Kentucky treated me better than I'm treated here.

Anybody supposedly "liberal" and "progressive" belongs to an elitest clicque of smart assed academics, who look down on anybody who doesn't know their jargon, lives working class, smokes, doesn't talk politically correct speech, etc. Hence, my constant marginalization at KUNM (which is why I do most of my work from home, by the way; the less they see me, the less they can look down on me.)

So, I've been thinking, as you've probably figured out by now, it might not be stupid to pull up stakes and leave. But where?

Well, you're working on an old motel, which is one of my persistant visions. You've got 2 girls and a bunch of critters that need tending. Nobody down there will think I'm crazy for having goats as pets, 'though I'm pretty sure they'll find a lot of OTHER stuff to think I'm crazy about.

You see where I'm going with this?

That's why I'd like to come down. I want to see if we could cohabitate and work together on some of these projects, without killing each other.

I will never be a Christian, the way you think of it. Well, I'm probably more YOUR kind of Christian than what I usually see. I won't pretend about my personal background; I'm not a conventional heterosexual. I'm also not a child molester. I'm also not a slut. I'm also not a bit interested in any romantic or sexual adventures at this point of my life. But I won't lie or pretend I'm something I'm not.

So, I wanted to come down there to see if I could squeeze in to that mayhem you're running, as it seems a far sight more like what I'm about than other options I've seen in quite some time.

That's as honest as I know how to be.

If you're willing to discuss it, let's talk.