Personal Responsibility

June 23, 2003

Oh, my aching heart! I headed out at 3pm today, cart full of my puppets, dolls, herbs, seeds and gourd bird houses. I had three cents.

I sold seven dollars on Friday, and had planned to return both weekend days. But I tried using a collapsable, wire basket cart a neighbor gave me on Sat. Within two blocks, I couldn't continue. I sat in the island in the middle of the street and rested, and came back home.

I spent Sunday recovering. It really hurt my arms and shoulders.

So, today I headed out. I was so scared of how people might treat me, I was actually crying before I left.

I got down to Smith's grocery, about a half mile, and hung my stuff in the little tree by the street. This time, I remembered to bring a folding chair. The breeze was nice, and it wasn't too bad.

But I sold nothing. Two people gave me a dollar each, just because. And the kid selling papers in front of the store gave me a quarter for a cheap soda.

I gave up around sunset, packed and headed back.

I go down Silver Street, because it's tree lined and shady. I like looking at the rich people's gardens, too. And the street is wide enough I can walk in it and the occasional cars can pass me without trouble. The sidewalks are broken up and there are few curb cuts. Since I can't see nor walk too well, it's safer for me to walk in the smooth street.

I got to the corner where I turn to go up my alley.

A family on the corner was outside. Their doberman came after my pit bull. I freaked out, cuz Porkchop attacks and bites viciously.

The woman started laughing at me and said their dog just wanted to play. I begged them to control their dog, and they just stood and laughed, making excuses for their dog.

I was furious! I had to put my body between the dogs. Porkchop was freaking out and going in circles. He weighs nearly a hundred pounds, and is difficult to control when he's agitated.

Finally, the man got his dog.

I tried to explain Porkchop's history of being bait for fighting dogs. I tried to explain I have multiple sclerosis, and don't need a dog fight around my feet.

The woman just laughed. I think they were stoned.

I don't normally do this, but I was SO angry at being laughed at, I cussed at the woman and called her yuppy trash.

The man came after me! He called me a fat female body part and told me to move.

I'm fat because the surgery to remove my dead baby tore up my abdominal muscles which, coincidentally, are hurting from the strain of pushing the cart. I can't exercise or even move normally because of the damage.

I have the right to walk in safety down an affluent street, in broad daylight, without fear of injury.

If Porkchop had attacked that dog, I don't want to THINK what would have happened!

I can't move! People on the internet, from all over the country, sent me money to move HERE, to escape the War Zone of addicts, whores and gang bangers! I rented trucks and hired guys to move me! That's why I have no money left: I'm still paying off the phone deposit, four months later!

I think that man was really going to hit me. But I keep Porkchop on a long, metal leash. The part up by my hand is heavy metal. I grab that and swing all three feet of it at attacking humans and dogs. So I swung the chain, and he backed off.

All the work I did to try to move to a better neighborhood, and I'm STILL surrounded by drugs, drunks and whores. And STILL can't walk down one of the yuppiest streets in town in broad daylight, without being scared to death and put in serious danger of injury!

Albuquerque people are EVIL!