Poverty Is Not an Accident

Poverty Is Not an Accident
Nelson Mandela

Friday, June 24, 2011


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I KNOW WHAT THE CHEST PAINS ARE! It's not a heart attack; it has something to do with swallowing. Both liquids and solids get stuck, just behind my sternum. It hurts like HELL! Makes it hard to breathe or move. Now, I just need to figure out why? This is something very new for me and has only been going on, to the best of my recollection, for about a month. Today, it's more pronounced than before. Bought a Coke in town today and kept saying, "Ow!" It's like when you swallow too big a bite, but I'm not. Just ate 2 hard boiled eggs and really hurt now.. hmm
delayed reaction anxiety/panic attacks. Never had before. Had to stuff every feeling I had, in order to survive this past month. My body is releasing it all now. I need to be very gentle with myself. I've already eliminated 2 neighbors in this RV park because they're verbally abusive, loud, threatening, impulsive, etc. Apparently, that sort of behavior is "normal" out here. One guy could have given me rides nearly every day to the next largest town, with better provisions. The other guy could have helped me set up my solar panel, for free electricity. Nope. They're not allowed in my life. Bastards with little dicks, screaming at a disabled, old woman in a house trailer? Yeah, you're a real man, alright. Stuff it, you posers!

gotta heal the anxiety. period.

clinic here sucks big time. It's anxiety, Scott. Try not to worry. My esophagus is just spasmodic. I have neurological issues with muscles, anyway, from the brain injuries. All the walking in heat, all the physical pain and stress of moving 3 times in a month, the poor diet, the lack of water, the lost sleep, etc. is just catching up with my poor beat up body. I'm resting a lot. I'm eating well. I've turned my little lot at the rv park into a combination playground and sanctuary. I've surrounded myself with color, sparkle, plants, splashing water, beautiful thing that hang in the trees, shade, good smells, shade, happiness, peace. It's safe here. My body didn't dare have a reaction until we were safe. Now, it's letting it all loose. The first day I was here, I slept all day in the damp lawn in front. People revved engines, worked on cars, etc. I just rolled over and went back to sleep with my 2 dogs. I'm VERY weak. I can't even tighten the nuts on my bike, which loosen from vibration, my hands are so weak. It takes two hands for me to press the button on my cigarette lighter. The guy at the tire shop tightened everything for me today for free. I'm going to bake him a peach cobbler, to pay him.

I also bought a LOT of beef today. I need heavy protein and iron. I'll be making burritos and tacos, cuz I have a LOT of both corn & flour tortillas frozen that I bought in Albq. this month for 2/$1.00. I have Vidalia onions: so sweet, you can eat them like apples. I have great Mexican & shredded cheeses and I'm going to cook pintos in my crock pot today. I'll make them with fried potatoes, for the potassium, and a bit of rice, cuz it compliments the protiens and amino acids in the beans. My only regret is that avacados & tomatoes are not inexpensive right now. I will heal. I'll take vitamin b12 for the cramping and I'll sleep as much and as often as I want. In about a month, I should be as good as new.2 minutes ago ·

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