Poverty Is Not an Accident

Poverty Is Not an Accident
Nelson Mandela

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Smile or Die

You are reading http://livinginthehood.blogspot.com

this is ABSOLUTELY terrifying! And I, as a low-income person with disabilities have been CHRONICALLY abused by people who believe this load of manure. And it doesn't matter if they're "conservatives," who think I'm being punished by g*d, or "liberals," who think it's my "karma!" NOBODY wants to look at TRUTH: we are being socially manipulated into guilt, docility and an endless and fruitless struggle to "keep up with the Joneses:" an "American dream" that does not now, nor ever, existed. It is a pseudo-religon and pseudo-religion is the pseudo-opium of the masses. This is brilliant. I need to study her. Thanks.

Em, I just went out for a smoke. I sat there thinking of the DECADES' worth of friendships I've had to abort over this positive thinking shit. I thought about the guilt I felt: what if they're right?

What if I "chose" to be born to parents who beat, terrorized and molested me? What if I'm really not trying hard enough? What did I do to cause so much suffering and pain in my life . . .

 I know I was "programmed" to hate myself by the messages that I didn't deserve to live, that I was stupid & ugly, that I wasn't worth the lead to shoot me with. And then, there was the church, sexism, demands I conform to a school system that's run like a prison, Madison Avenue, this "new age" crap that's invaded every social movement I've ever associated with.

 I thought about Oprah. I thought about Maya Angelou. I thought about the feminist and Queer rights movements, the Native American movement..... I can't go ANYWHERE without being barraged with this poison!

 All the while, to give myself credit, I've resisted. I didn't know how to articulate what my gut and intuition were telling me, most of the time, but I KNEW it was all bullshit and that it wouldn't be easy to resist the habituated self-blame, but that I HAVE to, or I'll hate myself, literally, to death.

I think I'm a pretty thoughtful and insightful person, relative to what I see around me, anyway. I think I understand social oppression and exploitation. But there's always this gap between what I see and what my reality is. And this stuff is that gap.

People excuse their apathy and lack of compassion with this crap. So, I've unconsciously absorbed the messages that I deserve what happens to me, because, somehow, I've created it!

What kind of hubris is this, to think human beings create tsunamis, earthquakes, disabilities, cancer.... God, I remember the early days of the AIDS crisis: these poor guys, trying to use "positive thinking" to CURE THEMSELVES of a VIRUS! This means they were BLAMING THEMSELVES for BEING SICK!

Hearing this has really lifted a veil for me. On the one hand, I'm in deep grief over the lost time, my inability to have articulated this earlier: maybe I could have saved some friendships or been a positive voice in this conversation. As it was, it's been all I could do, just to survive. Hearing this has been so liberating. I think this is a worse manipulation of my native self than Madison Avenue body image crap, or sexism. In fact, I think those, and racism, ablism, ageism, homophobila, etc. are ALL JUST SYMPTOMS of this "positive thinking" mind control.

Just last night on YouTube, I saw a tape by a Black woman, using the Bible to explain why g*d wanted Blacks to be slaves! A BLACK WOMAN! Quoting the white man's bible to justify slavery in the USA!

Anyway, this has been so liberating for me. I feel so free of such a BURDEN. I mean, it's been a physical restriction on my life. My body feels different now: relaxed, strong, at peace.

You've referred to the Course in Miracles, New Age, etc. as being promoted by CIA operatives. Can you please cite some sources? I'm going to investigate this myself. I remember, under Nixon, the FBI infiltrating feminist, civil rights, Queer rights, etc. groups. I remember how we all turned on each other, suspicious of one another. And RIGHT AFTER that broke us all into factions and splinters, along came A Course in Miracles, to finish us all off!

Uploaded by on Mar 17, 2010

Em, some of this happened to me, during exactly the same years, as my father, who'd had high security clearance at Oakridge Tennessee, working on the A-bomb, was now working, ostensibly, at 3M in Camarillo, California, in something SO top secret, I was nearly arrested for going to the reception area, TWENTY YEARS LATER, to ask if I could have some information or talk with his co-workers. I was told he was a sound engineer (he did win the 1st Oscar ever given for sound in '54, when Mom was pregnant with me), and that he was working on recoding equipment for the space program (I've always assumed Cold War satellites). He met Mom, a hill person from a small town in KY, at Oakridge and brought her to Calif, where I was born. I have HUGE gaps in my childhood memories. My genitals are mutilated. I have post traumatic stress. I was repeatedly drugged and tested, told I wasn't "behaving right" and needed "treatment." Weird things happened at our house. I was not used to blackmail important men via underage sex, I don't think. But every aspect of my life was controlled from wake to sleep. I, too, am incapable of bearing a living child. I wonder if they did this to me.

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