to Trinity House
I'm going to TRY to keep living with Toboho, but under more serious
restrictions.
I really can't count on him to check in when he says he will. He HAS
paid his rent, in full, when it's due.
I have to be VERY careful about when I tell him I need something; it
causes him, frequently, to question my judgment, yell at me and/or
argue with me. He may be charming, but he's one of the angriest people
I've ever met.
I've told him I don't want him to bring any alcohol in the house. This
weekend was torture. He became aggrevated once, when we were about to
drive away. I saw him getting ready to crack a beer and repeated, for
the 3rd time that day, "I don't want open containers in the truck."
Apparantly, I ought not have stated that. He said he'd already agreed
to that. He was very angry that he couldn't drink his beer but had to
leave with me.
He's not going to be in my truck anymore. This morning, I found an
empty beer can, carefully placed behind MY driver's seat.
He told me he is reminded of his ex-girlfriend by me, because I expect
him to be where he says he's going to be and be accountable. I am NOT
his girlfriend, and find this pretty muddled, sexist thinking.
I think he as confused license with liberty. Many people do.
His mind is very cluttered with self justification, denial, excuses,
shifting blame, ego protection and chaotic thinking, so I'm trying not
to engage him.
I need someone to help with the rent until Sept. 4, and don't see any
other options besides Toboho, although I've posted several CraigsList
ads.
I AM afraid of him. He's easily provoked and he provokes, especially
while under the influence. I think he's reckless. That's fine with his
own life, but I don't want him to endanger me with open containers,
questioning police officers while I'm operating the vehicle, singing
"Legalize Marijuana" in front of small-town folks outside a store,
making jokes about needing cocaine to work, etc.
I can't afford that drama. He shoots himself in the foot, but his self
destructiveness endangers others, too.
So, he stays, unless he turns violent (which wouldn't surprise me;
that's why he can't drink here anymore -- he PROMISED, when he moved
in, that he doesn't drink in excess, so now I know he's a liar who
tells people what he thinks they want to hear).
He's insulting, disrespectful, accusatory, demanding, patronizing,
condescending, cocky, argumentative. He embarrassed me in front of my
friends and total strangers this weekend. He interrupts me constantly
and won't listen to important information I'm trying to tell him,
demanding later that I tell him again.
But, since he won't be in the truck with me anymore, that will be minimized.
I'm trying to maintain as LITTLE contact with him as possible.
He is FURIOUS with me for being angry with him in front of Marcos. He
said I treated him like a child. I think he felt emasculated. Although
I've repeatedly apologized, he still brings it up. But then, he
accuses me of all sorts of stuff I DIDn't do, so why should I be
surprised?
I finally had to make a vow to myself, this weekend, that I wouldn't
speak to him, no matter HOW badly he tried to provoke me. That's when
he threw a tantrum, scared the family there, and walked off to go back
to Albuquerque! I wouldn't play and he escalated into a total rage
attack.
Anyway PLEASE don't tell him I called Trinity House & y'all's cell
phone. He'll go off on me again, and my nerves are SHOT; I can't TAKE
anymore of his cruel mouth.
It's only for about 6 more weeks and then I never have to hear him
scream at me again.
My friends know what he's like. Hell, the whole TOWN of Ft. SUMNER
knows; they all have police scanners; they know when the cops spoke to
him -- TWICE! The whole town's gossiping about him, about me, and
about the family to whose house I'm moving!
I'm embarrassed that the whole town thinks I'm so irresponsible as to
bring a loud mouthed drunk into town for the weekend, who lay outside
an abandoned gas station for hours on the main drag, simply because I
wouldn't IMMEDIATELY drive him back to Albuquerque the minute he
wanted to leave!
But my local friends know, too. And they're keeping an eye on me and
this apartment, so I'll be safe.
He really scared me this weekend. He scared my friends and he scared
their KIDS (When I TOLD him this, he actually said, "That doesn't
matter." These are SERIOUSLY, physically and developmentally disabled
girls he scared!). And he's not welcomed back there.
I'm sorry I called, but I'm really scared of him. I'm sleeping with a
hunting knife under my pillow and I never leave my purse or keys where
he can get at them.
If you tell him I contacted you -- again -- about him, I don't know
what he'll do.
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