Mercy!

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Oh, the wind was hell today. I only went outside three times to get things stored in the yard. It was horrid. The cats stayed in all day. That's unusual for my cats; they generally love wind on sunny days. But this wind was lethal. Somehow, I've managed to put my tarps up so well, even sixty mile per hour gusts haven't ruined them! Wow.

I'm in SO MUCH pain! I worked on cleaning the house all day. I broke my vacuum belt, so I can't finish vacuuming until next month, when I'll be able to buy a new belt.

I didn't make a fire in the stove; I could hear wind blowing down the flu or is it flew? whatever. I didn't want to take a chance that wind might push sparks out of th stove.

I'm running out of stuff, and need to shop soon. But I'm not going out there until it's calm. I don't mind cold, but with wind, it's impossible and dangerous.

I'm waiting right now for the local tv weather report, so I can plan my week.

I only have five dollars in the bank, and two in my wallet. So I'm trying really hard not to take the bus anywhere, if possible.

Cold weather is so hard on me; I can't go out at all. That's why I was so excited about the scooter and why I'm so sad the inner tube popped.

I got invited to a concert at the university yesterday. It's only 3 blocks from here. But I don't know where the concert hall is. I can't see well and I knew I should save my strenght for walking to the grocery. So I didn't go. I feel bad about that; people don't invite me places. I'm afraid I may have insulted the person who asked me; he was playing in the concert, Handel's Messaiah. Damn. I'd have loved to hear that.

I'm crying a lot lately. The war, my frustration with my isolation and poor mobility, feeling helpless. I keep very busy, but I'm accutely aware of my outcast status.

To add to all this, and being alone during the holidays, my body is trying to go through menopause, but isn't quite there yet. The menopause part would be just fine with me. But I've got my 2nd menses in less than a month and THIS one is AGONY! It's not my uterus cramping which hurts; that's not happening. But that missing fallopian tube area is a HARSH and brutal pain. I favor it, but it doesn't help. Without warning, I'll get a deep and sickening pain that stops me cold. It hurts soooo bad.

Those bastards at that hospital mangled me!