It's so hard to post, using the computer; the font's so SMALL! dammit! WHY did they make blogger inaccessible to MSNTV??? grr
We left at 6 am for the volcanoes. We went up a slightly steeper one than last time, and I insisted on walking around to the "back" side of it, becaus it was steeper. We went down the easier side. We circled the "bunny" volcano of last trip and found the path to the steepest one, so we can go back next time.
My body is happy. It likes it. It wants more.
I won't be poor much longer. I feel it. I'm heading there.
I'm making every part of myself as strong, efficient, clean, organized, beautiful, tender, nurturing, healthy as I can, so I can do what needs doing.
Tomorrow, I call about financial aid at the hospital. So I can go to that clinic.
Two women at KUNM have offered to help with copays. I said I'd rather pay for my own teeth, if possible, since this is about me not being "second class" anymore. But I thanked them. I suggested it will be easier, knowing I have a possible "safety net," if I absolutely need it. I also said I would consider a LOAN, in an emergency, but not a gift of the copay.
I told them I plan to keep the teeth, dry them, bleach them and, one day, have them plated with Sterling silver, so I can wear them on my charm necklace. I said, if THEY paid for the teeth, I'd have to give the teeth to them! And they wouldn't like that, now, would they?
All around me, love is leaking into my life. It's as though I've finally cracked open, like some ancient seed that could only errupt through fire. Water is seeping into me, swelling me. I am expanding beyond the boundaries of this shell that has contained me all these years. I'm pushing open this hard, dry husk.
Something strong and succulent and tender and fierce is sprouting in me, through me, and from me.
I am a medium of joy, strength, labor, creation.
I am truly the universe, conscious of itself.
The change in me is breathtaking.
I feel annointed, blessed, chosen.
It's very humbling.
I tread delicately but deliberately, conscious of every thing around me.
I'm in some sort of Zen bliss! I see so much more clearly, without confusion.
I am absolutely sure of what I'm supposed to do, why and how.
I am a teacher, a journalist, a writer, a MOTHER!
Nothing is more important to me than this: that I can heal myself and, in the process, be a shelter to others, if I just keep focused and work hard.
This self love I've finally stopped ignoring is pushing me out into places, ideas, concepts, relationships and experiences I'd never imagined.
And the more I do, the more I want to do. it's not a bit tiring; it feeds me.
Maybe I'll actually live long enough to find out what it is I want to be when I grow up.
Certainly is starting to look like that!
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