Dear ....,
I opened up a lot of old stuff with you this weekend. I felt safe, while
you were here.
Today's been hard; my mind is full of stories and memories. My emotions
are raw.
Talking with you felt completely natural, like back in the "old days,"
when I normally felt like others' equal.
Today, I was reminded several times that I can't ever take that for
granted again.
I'm trying not to beat myself up. Mom's voice is strong today: I don't
deserve a friend, respect, acknowledgment...
These new habits of loving myself don't come automatically. The old ways
try to reinstate themselves.
I'm trying to be gentle with myself.
I got a taste, this weekend, of what it's like to be taken seriously,
believed, respected, supported and loved.
I'm working to believe I deserve that. I'm working to believe I'll have
more of that.
I'm also very aware that, even if I don't ever again connect with
another person the way I did with you this weekend, it was an amazing
gift for which I'll always be grateful.
I'm highly motivated now to create more opportunities for such
blessings.
All the old fears, self doubts, self hatreds and shames have surfaced.
I'm facing them as honestly, but as forgivingly, as I can, so I won't
use them to hurt myself. I do want to look at them, really see what they
are and where they came from. It's the only way I can work through them
and heal myself.
It's been a hard day, my friend.
But, this weekend gave me the strength to face what I must do.
Thank you, my sister.
I hope you're ok today. Please know you're loved, respected and
supported.
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