Poverty Is Not an Accident

Poverty Is Not an Accident
Nelson Mandela

Monday, July 12, 2004

instant terror

You are reading http://livinginthehood.blogspot.com

My memory's not very good. I thought I had one, more month 'til I'd get a disconnect notice from the phone co., but it was THIS month. The notice came today, though it was mailed on the 26th of last month and said my service would be disconnected on the NINETH! WHOA!

I got a week's reprieve, thank heavens!

I also received a notice from that evil, predatory bank. I THOUGHT it said I couldn't get a direct deposit advance next month, because I've been borrowing from myself for twelve months.

I get paid for an editing job this Friday: one hundred. I was counting on that, plus a fifty dollar job, to be able to pay RENT next month! With the three hundred of my disability that will be left, of course.

SO, when that phone bill came in today, I totally FREAKED! I thought I'd be homeless! SERIOUSLY!

Seems I've been borrowing for NINE months and, after the August 12 billing period, they'll start reducing the amount I can borrow by a hundred a month, 'til it reaches a balance of zero for one month.

Seems I'll have the August rent, just fine. The reductions begin in September, if I'm reading this letter right.

By September, I SHOULD be selling some radio, and may not even need to borrow anything.

But for a few hours today, I was in agony. I'm STILL on the verge of tears. It's a post traumatic stress thing: I'm TERRIFIED of homelessness and anything which might cause it.

I forgot to say: the bunny died, darn it. I'm very sad.

My neighbor, who owns the empty lot in which I'm gardening, is selling the house. I need to move some things, so she can sell the property.

She'll be staying on "a couple of months," before she moves out. I've already asked her about talking to the new owner about renting to me.

I need to leave this slum, really badly. I'm being called "dyke" and "nigger" by my neighbor, Raoul Nieto. And a new guy screams all night long and beats on the walls.

If I could move right out the back gate, up the drive way and into a new place, it'd be GREAT! And I could keep my garden!

We'll see.

I'm trying hard to come down from how frightened I was by this financial stuff.

I really need to cry.

I REALLY need to sell some RADIO! And I can.

Already started today.

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