Internet Art

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I'm not getting many "hits" on my netart site, so I thot I'd try posting the links here, just for laughs....

Internet Art

A few pieces I've thrown together.
Computer users, you will need the MSNTV Viewer download, to see these the way MSNTV subscribers see them.
My article, Holiday Table Art Gallery, explains how Table Art and Audioscope art are unique to the MSNTV set top appliance, and are not visible on computers. And computers must enable JavaScript~~Rogi

Bethlehem Slide Show



"Beyond Viet Nam," Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.



Coyote Gas: NDN Humor



Del Martin & Phyllis Lyon



Gay Apparel


If



Kwanzaa



Marquee Smiles



Marquee Tree



Needlepoint Thingy



Queer Tower



Rainbow Connection

School Dayz



Simple Gifts



Slum Party



Smiles Ornament



Status Board



Two Weeks Before Christmas



Unitarian Universalist Winter



Vote

what I can't have

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Ah, the story of my life: another unavailable, attached man who quotes romantic comedies at me.

And all this, just as I'm at the cusp of realizing that, while all the work I'm doing is really helping me heal, what I really need is love.

I'd reconciled myself to spending the rest of my life in celibacy. My ugly, broken teeth; my exploded and weakened body; my traumatized mind: I'm just too repulsive for the status quo.

It's an American thing; Mexican dudes have no problem with my body, but my mind seems to be too much for everybody -- even me.

But, quite by accident, I stumbled onto a disoriented soul. I enjoyed this man, the moment I met him. I never even considered a possibility of anything intimate.

But, very recently, I felt a pang of hope. And that empty spot of skin between my shoulders that my arms can't reach began craving human touch.

I know I'll never feel complete without that.

I also know that the circumstances of both our lives are in total disarray and radical paradigm shift, and that any circling of animals, catching scent, could be devistating to one or both of us.

And I know that any physical contact -- which I suddenly find myself craving like an abandoned child -- is now a constant current in me, every time I even think of him.

I rehearse approaches. I choreograph encounters. I imagine bursting bubbles, pushing envelopes, pushing buttons.

And I also know it's not him I'm craving. It's love. He's merely the object of my projections.

I want it all. I want to get my freak on, be someone's old lady, lie safe in tender arms and cry myself out. I want to seduce. I want to nurture. I want to overwhelm both of us with the power of sexuality and the grace of tenderness.

And I dread the next time I see him, the next time he writes to me. I'm terrified of my own clumsy, consuming need. I never was good at hiding, and my attempts are more obvious than just saying what's on my mind.

And then you write me with that movie quote.

I don't even LIKE Jack Nicholson, but when he said, "you make me want to be a better man" to Helen Hunt, I broke down and wept.

Hope terrifies me. My old heart's so far beyond broken, it's pathetic.

And risking any approach to this man is risking more than I can afford to lose.

I'm accustomed to doing things for and by myself. I rarely even get lonely.

But love is the one place where, no matter how well I take care of myself, I can't do it all. I'm a human; we're social animals.

I don't need a man to repair my car, pay my bills, give me direction or even to love.

But I need someone.

I wonder who and I wonder if and I wonder when.

Sabado

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It's gonna rain! whoooo hooo!!!! That means next week's weed pulling marathon will be a LOT less painful! And the seeds I've already planted are already sprouting from LAST rain!

Lordy, I'm tired.

I have stew meat simmering in a cast iron skillet, with soy and Worchestershire sauces. Gawd, that smells good! Got the catz dancin'.

I'd found some chicken wire, folded up in a dumpster. I've been wrestling it flat for two days. Damn tangly scratch stuff!

But I hung it to the tree branches outside my bedroom window, for morning glories and gourd vines to climb. By mid summer, I'll have a wonderful shade thing, with the plants growing up, covering the lawn table and chairs I put out there. It's already a favored cat place. The vines will grow up the branches and chicken wire, along the horse fence "roof," onto the roof of my building. Should make things a LOT cooler, when that morning sun bakes down on the wall of my building.

I have a ton of stuff yet to do...sigh. My poor, neglected house! I've just been too busy to clean.

A pot of stew will make me feel better; gawd knows I've got vegetables and taters to put in it now! All colors of taters, too. And that great tomato sauce I made earlier this week.

The marmalade tastes WONDERFUL!!!! Gonna have to use some this weekend for Food Not Bombs. I like cooking sweets. Nobody else there really does....

I got another interview yesterday. Got an email from the SAGE Council. A gal met me at the station at four. I SO didn't want to go! I was lying in bed, playing on the internet. But I was nodding off, and got worried I'd fall asleep and miss the interview!

So, I left here an hour early, hoping there'd be caffeine at the station, and that just walking around would revive me. It worked.

I also had 2 returned phone messages, from others I want to interview.

THere's a meeting Tuesday at the SAGE Council offices. Renee showed me how to use the mini disc recorder thingy and hid one in a cabinet for me to borrow. Man, that thing's tiny! Hard to believe u can get air quality sound on a box smaller than a pack of smokes! I mean, it's LITTLE!!! I'll have Tristan review its operations before I go. I'm still getting used to the concept of recording "tracks," as in CDs. Hell, I'm a vinyl phonograph gal; what do I know???

I heard the caving piece I helped Katie with on the air this morning. It sounded great!

Another thing: at the end of NPR news last night, I heard a promo for Radio Theater we worked on last week. And there I was, making a pun at the end.

And it suddenly occurred to me: I'm on the radio!

I've chased chickens, repaired trucks, recovered from losing my daughter, been homeless, baked xmas cookies with 20 kids in my kitchen, built web pages, buried a dog, done laundry, built fences, created masks and pulled an absessed back molar to KUNM over more than 10 years.

And now, I'm part of it.

Whoa.....

to Dudette at net4tv.com

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Dear Laura,

Heya! I hope I did that right! LOL...I'm not too good at following directions.

For the saga of my work at KUNM, and just about everything else about my life, hang out at http://livinginthehood.blogspot.com

I'm doing real journalism now. A bitch of a story that's over 20 years old and pits Native Americans against SUV commuters who want a road RIGHT through ancient petroglyphs! It's a MONSTER story! Civil war: the west side is threatening to secede from the city! jesus...nothing like a range war to pop my cherry, huh?

I'm GREAT at digital audio editing! I mean, I'm gooooooood! I have a really sensitive ear. Everybody's impressed.

I write commentaries for the evening news about once a week. The news director loves them. And people pop their heads out of their office doors to tell me how much they like them.

I'm volunteering with Food Not Bombs on Sunday mornings: 3 hrs. of cooking, 1 of serving the homeless, 2 of clean up. I do it for the free, gourmet, organic food! I'm eating WELL!

But by the time I get home at three o'clock or so, I'm totally exhausted, and often asleep during chat with a pile of cats. Last week, I woke up ten mins. before chat would be over....

I'm doing Radio Theatre, too. It's a blast! And I'm helping The Children's Hour with tape editing.

Everybody at the station knows I want to work there, for pay. They're examining budgets and employment requirements, to try to plug me in.

Laura, that station is like a warm hug, a sanctuary, The West Wing and a Rainbow Gathering, all rolled into one. I LOVE it there! The SMARTEST, most creative, most committed and thoughtful people in this whole STATE work there, for little or no pay.

People there are so generous, loving, respectful, funny, kind, accepting, supportive....it's the BEST medicine my poor ol' heart has had in DECADES!!!

It's a joy to be there!

I smile all the time, these days!

Once I get .wav files and transcripts together of my commentaries, I'll add them to my domain and I'll email you the link. I'm very proud of my work.

YOU and BRIAN helped me get here, built my confidence, gave me a voice, and welcomed me as an equal. I've really missed that. But, because of you guys, I'm at KUNM and doing useful and exciting work. I owe you for that.

Big hugs to y'all.

Rogi

whew!

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Well, Beto got here on time. It's now 11 and my air conditioner is in and working. He also helped me reinstall the hasp on my gate, and trimmed some boards on my front gate that made it hard to open.

I've been working since seven this morning. I got 3 loads of laundry done. I washed more dishes, so they're all done. I watered my garden. I took almost all my lawn furniture out of my little yard, and put it in the "empty" lot that I've made into garden space.

I met the owner, Tanya, of that property yesterday. She fell all over herself, complimenting me on how good things look out there.

Nicole rents her little guest house. She and I are pretty good buddies; she loaned me her vacuum again today.

She'll be moving out sometime next year, and I want to move in. It's got a MUCH bigger yard, is completely surrounded by a tall fence, has a real garden bed in it, and is away from the yahoos in this nut house building. And a former tenant landscaped it so nicely.

So, I'm feeling real comfortable about gardening in the lot outside, esp. since I'll probably get to garden in it for YEARS!

And, moving next DOOR will be easy as pie! NO VEHICLES!!!

I made orange marmalade from some ping pong ball sized organic oranges. They were just too small, and their skins too leathery, for us to fuss with at Food Not Bombs. I cut them in half, soaked them in sugar, corn syrup, orange juice concentrate and water and simmered them on the stove. Last night, I chopped them up in the food processor, added brown sugar and a bit more corn syrup.

I also added about a cup of chopped ginger root! yummy....

I still have a ton of stuff to do to this house!

I got a lot organized in my little yard. I've got laundry sorted to wash. I took out all the trash and did the compost.

Man, am I tired! I've already worked four hours, straight. But I HAVE to declutter, wash stuff, etc.

I'll rest awhile under my NEW AIR CONDITIONER! and start again later.

None of my interview contacts has, apparantly, called the station. I haven't heard back from Beaver, either.

Sure, fine, nobody tell ME what's going on! LOL

I don't have to go to production class at KUNM on Sunday. So, I'll work at Food Not bombs for 2 or 3 hours, cooking in the morning, grab some leftovers to bring home.

That'll give me the rest of today, all of tomorrow and half of Sunday for chores.

The bed needs fresh linens; the bathroom, kitchen, bedroom and living room all need cleaning. There's still more work outside for me to do yet. I have to pump up my scooter tire and repair the throttle cable.

I didn't collect duck eggs this morning; I didn't wake up 'til 6:30. I need more than a few minutes to wake up. The Bastard Gardener is there by seven. Screw it.

I'll go tomorrow and Sunday, though.

If I can hang in here for about another year, I should have a nice, new place to move into. But putting up with this filth is hard. I went outside to screw on my garden hose to do laundry, and found 3 beer cans in my flower beds!

Now that the weather's warm, Raoul has his door and windows open, and I'm forced to listen to the CRAZIEST, LOUDEST insanity from him! Why can't he just overdose and die? freak.

I know, but dammit!!!

Beaver

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Yo, Beaver!

Oh, grrrl, I can ABSOLUTELY help you get your own domain! CAKE, lady! And it's CHEAP, too! And the guy I work with is a DOLL! And SMART! And helpful and...most important... HONEST!

I can walk you through the whole process and you'll have your domain in no time!

My place is a tiny, one bedroom apartment, ... blocks .... of University and .... blocks ... of Central.

The address is ....

The directions you've got, pretty much. There's an alley that runs betwen ... and .... . Go down that alley. You'll see a wooden fence. At the fence, you'll see a gate with signs painted on it. One says, "who would Jesus kill? Peace on earth." And another says, "support our troops; bring them home."

There's an empty lot there and you MAY be able to park in it. It belongs to my neighbor and, right now, the city's paving the streets, so nobody can park on them. But probably by the time you get here, that won't be an issue.

I was planning on putting you up from Tuesday through Sunday, more or less. I started cleaning today!

I haven't had time, strength for housework for 2 weeks: first, the fundraising and now, I'm writing a story on the Paseo del Norte road extension civil war, gawd help me.

So, my house is a giant hair ball!

You can sleep in the bed, no problem...I'm changing the linens. It's a double bed with a feather bed thing, so it's very comfy and gush and peaceful.

But there may be a serious problem of one kind: I have cats and a dog.
The dog will sleep with me in the living room, but I can't promise I can keep the cats out of the bedroom, as it has no door. It's configured such that you'll have complete privacy from ME, but cats have their own agenda.

I have a tiny, crowded bathroom with a shower the size of a coffin.
I have a kitchen FULL of good, healthy eats... and meat and junk food, too. I love to cook. You won't go without breakfast if you don't want to.

Remember: I smoke. That's one reason I want to clean: so there won't be residue. I promise not to smoke in the house while you're here, nor make you smell ashtrays and such.

My place is where I: cook, sew, make arts and crafts, garden, do my internet...basically, I run the world from here. SO there are lots of art supplies, tools, etc. And that does make it somewhat crowded, for such a tiny space.

But it's not uncomfortable. AND there's even a tiny fire place!

I'm a big woman, and I manage to get around in here without breaking my neck or falling over stuff.

For sleeping and showering, etc, it should be fine.

I can do internet stuff while you're at the conference; my 'net is in the bedroom.

I want to be here when you come in, so I can assure my dog you're "family." He's fine with people visiting, once they're inside. But he's very protective of our home and doesn't like people just coming in without me as an escort.

If all this is too uncomfortable for you, I completely understand. But if you need an "emergency flop" for a night or two, I'm available. Or for the whole conference, if you're happy with it.

It's quiet and cheerful, anyway. And it certainly isn't fancy. My house is like me: cluttered, busy, active, creative, nurturing and a bit messy.

Just don't come over tomorrow, as today was the first day I had to start cleaning, and I'm really tired from 27 hours at KUNM these past, three days! WHEW!

So, there's the story of my life. Take it or leave it; you're welcomed here!

And let me know when you want to start working on this domain business. Every NDN grrl needs her own domain!

Hugs,

Rogi
--
Thank you,

Rogi Riverstone

http://rriverstone.com

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNAP!

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ok, it has suddenly occurred to me: I've spent 27 hrs at the radio station in 3 days. gawd! And I'm STILL emailing people!

SO, it's nap time: coma time...whatever. I have NO idea when I'll wake up.

The maintenance dude is s'posed to replace my air conditioner tomorrow morning. Just in time for warm weather! Yahoo!

So, I'll rest now, collect eggs in the early morning, come back here to clean up, etc in the afternoon.

I'm a tired puppy. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Interviews

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I got 2 interviews today: the Governor's spokesperson and a rep. from the Albuquerque Archaeological Association.

I was scared spitless with the first one. It was by telephone, and I was so sure I'd screw up and push the wrong button. But it went fine.

I spoke with Pahl Shiply. I asked my questions, and a few follow ups as well.

At the end, I explained I'm new to this story. I said that, if I hadn't addressed all the points that were important, I wanted to give him an opportunity to elaborate.

He said that, no, it was a good interview.

I thanked him and hung up.

I went into the newsroom to brag and hop up and down. Leslie Clark then told me Shiply used to be News Director at Channel 7 news!!!!

I said, I'm glad you didn't tell me that before the interview, or I'd have had a stroke! LOL

I asked if the positioning of artifacts in the corridor might be significant to archaeoastronomy. Shiply was dead silent for a minute; he didn't have an answer. I'm interested, I'd said, if moving the artifacts might disrupt their significance.

I asked the archaeology lady the same thing. She didn't know, either, but promised she'd try to find me someone to ask.

IF they want to stop the road, something like that could be very important.

I was there five hours today. I got a lot done.

I called all my people about scheduling interviews, but nobody called me back. sigh.

It'll happen. I'll make it happen, somehow.

I left my email address with the newsroom, in case someone does call back, so we can communicate while I'm not at the station.

I could end up with a nice, five day series: one day for each of the governor's conditions, and one for wrap up, five minutes per.

I had a lot of fun doing this, when I wasn't scared spitless.

The archaeology lady brought her fifteen month old son. He grabbed at the microphone, he fussed when she talked. She set him on the floor and he ran around, pushing buttons! In the elevator, on the way back down, he pressed the emergency phone button and the police were talking to me...I explained a baby did it...lord, have mercy.

I'd told her that, if the baby fussed while she was talking, she should just wait for him to settle back down and repeat herself.

So, I ended up with good sound, anyway.

I'm resting awhile. Then, I need to start swamping out this pig sty!

Everybody's crazy; I'm just more obvious...

wowie

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12 hrs Tuesday and 10 hours yesterday at the station!

I won't have to stay so long, once I'm faster on the equipment, and more confident on editorial styles in the news department.

I've been given a big, old, contentious story to work. It pits affluent, white, SUV-driving commuters on the west side against Native Americans, archaeologists and environmentalists.

The west siders want an extension of a road, so they can commute to Albuquerque more easily.

The problem is that the road would go through petroglyphs. The road corridor is said to disturb at least fifty, ancient artifacts.

The governor says he'll approve the road if 4 conditions are met.

Voters rejected a bond issue recently which would have given money and approval to the project. It's becoming one of those, "why did I even bother to vote?" issues.

Natives are arguing that this is sacred land. Personally, I think they'd be better served arguing this is illegal. Illegality is one of the governor's conditions for approval.

And there are enough scientists here to prove the road would permanently damage irreplacable Native artifacts.

So, basically, Renee has thrown me into the middle of a city civil war. The west siders are literally threatening to sesede from Albuquerque, taking their tax base with them, if they don't get what they want.

And the Natives are justifiably suspicious of racism and white imperialism.

Into this mess, here I come, with a clip board full of notes and newspaper articles. I don't know the players, and they don't know me. I don't even know how to record telephone interviews! YIPES! And you KNOW I'm going to piss EVERYBDOY off!

This is a twenty year old story. Some of the environmentalists and Native activists have been quoted in news stories longer than most of the politicians have held influence here. I'm scared senseless.

But, I managed to outline my story. I'm only collecting sound on response to the governor's four conditions for approval. Believe me, that will be MORE than enough!

I also edited Katie's caving piece as a news story yesterday. I also recorded poor ol' Don Schrader, local wild man, for his commentaries on gaming and taxes. People at the station dislike him. Lots of people dislike him.

I sympathise with him. I think he's really a hero. I wouldn't party with him, nor sit next to him on a hot day (he doesn't wear deodorant).

But Don has lived so far below the poverty line that he hasn't paid federal taxes for twenty five years! It's his refusal to pay for war. Always has been.

He's a conscientious, good hearted man. He's a bit simple-minded, I suspect from my conversation with him the past, two days. I don't think people talk to him much. He seemed a bit confused and surprised by some things I said to him, and I had to rephrase and explain my points, so he could understand me.

He's child like.

I think something terrible happened to him, and his simplicity lifestyle and refusal to even acknowledge some of the things we take for granted in this hyperactive culture is a survival mechanism and protection from his trauma.

I think he's kinda cute. I'm totally not threatened by him. Once I saw how his mind works, I just cuddled him with my words, so he knew he was respected and safe with me. He thrived under it and gushed about my enthusiasm and kind heart.

He gets a lot of abuse. I'm sure I was medicine to his heart.

People's hostility to him, even at the station, discourages me. Ok, he's out there: he drinks his own urine, to build up his immune system. He smells funny on hot days..but he DOES bathe, so it's only fresh sweat smell, not that sour, nasty smell of chronically unbathed people. He'd rather be naked, and always is, when he's not in public. He even earns a little money as a nude model for university art classes. He dresses in minimal shorts, most of the time, and walking shoes. That's all.

He's skinny, but muscular, and always brown as a nut, from walking in the sun.

I think he's a treasure, myself. I think every town needs a wild man. And Don is the best kind! He's a pacifist, a vegetarian, Gay, an independent social activist, running his own late night show on Cable Access TV. He doesn't own a tv, or a radio, or a phone, or a computer or any of that crap.

He's a wild man. Jesus in jogging shoes, I call him.

So, I'm going in early again today, right after collecting duck eggs, to start telephoning people for interviews, sketch out the story, work on some sound editing, and collecting .wav files of my commentaries, so MSNTV people can hear them on my domain.

I don't plan to stay more than 4 hours. I NEED to clean my HOUSE!!!!

Between this week, and the fundraiser last week, I'm way behind on chores.

I'm off to the shower now.

Have a great day!

I'm up

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I have charlie horses in my calves, from running up and down the halls so much yesterday. For nonUSA people: a charlie horse is a muscle cramp. No, I don't know why. But there you go. Crazy Americans....

Oh, heck, now I'll have to look up the origins of "charlie horse."

I'm dopey sleepy, but obviously, I can blog.

There's breakfast, lunch packing, a shower and a drive to the duck pond and KUNM yet to do.

It's five; I'm listening to the news. Boy, I'm sure glad I'm not a Halliburton employee in Iraq right now! dang....

They showed "The Patriot" on TV the other night. I guess they thought it'd make me more sympathetic to our invasion of Iraq. But it backfired.

All I saw was a single parent, whose country is invaded and whose kids and home are being destroyed, fighting off a killing machine invader force, determined to be independent of colonization.

It was a pretty serious depiction of the horror of war. It was a good depiction of how a pacifist homebody can revert to blood-spattered, snarling savagery, when one's children are under attack.

It portrays sabotage, acts of terrorism, infiltration and geurilla tactics as honorable: "by any means necessary." Of course, this bunch consciously chose to stop killing the wounded. I assume women and children and other civilians would have been off limits, but that's theoretical, as the British army had none.

But it was still a choice; they could have gone the other way, and had, in the past. That's the problem with violent solutions: the hair's width between "honorable" and savage is too easily and frequently crossed. In fact, the concept of "honor" during war...I'm not talking courage; I'm talking killing strategies...is a form of self deceptive psychosis, as near as I can tell. Down to the wire, killing a person is killing a person, period.

And that's got to make one crazy, on some level.

Maybe not permanently, although I doubt it, and maybe not debilitatingly, but it's got to be a permanent paradigm shift in consciousness, I'd think. And not a healthy one.

Well, that's enough of THAT from me! Now I'll have the damn military spiders, sniffing my blog, thinking I'm a sympathiser with the Iraqi insurgency. Depends how you define "sympathiser," I guess. THEY don't mean compassionate to women and children; THEY mean providing aid and comfort to the "enemy." If I can provide aid and comfort to Iraqi women and kids, I am. The male machismo crap bores me silly and pisses me off; I want nothing to do with aggression.

But 50,000 people, mostly women and kids, are refugees from Faluja right now. You think the US military has any facilities set up for them?! Hell no.

We couldn't stop looting of priceless treasures; you think we're going to protect peasants? Shoot, it's population control.

Yes, we've done a wonderful thing in Iraq; old rivals, Sunni and Shea, have joined hands...and forces...to throw our arrogant butts out of there.

Good work, Rumsfeld, Wolfe, Halliburton! Great job.

dead

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Of COURSE, Jim Hightower's commentaries had to come today...and of course, he had to send a correction!

aw, it ain't so bad: unknown news, daily chimp, planet ark, national native news, democracy now. That's about average. There's stuff on the March for Women's lives, too, but that'll wait a day or two.

But it's all posted in my blogs.

it's ten thirty. I normally go to sleep around midnight, but I'm turning in early tonight. I'm beat.

Besides, the earlier I sleep, the earlier I get up. I only sleep about five, six hours...until a Marathon Nap, which I'll probably do thurs or fri.

All this poverty, insecurity, etc has taught me good self discipline, resourcefulness and preparedness. I'm well equipped to handle the news department and anything else that station throws at me.

Katie and I had a lot of fun, editing her piece today. She was braggin' about me as she left the studio...to Marcos, I think...can't remember.

It's very satisfying work. It's important. It's fun as hell. It's helpful. It's creative. It's VERY challenging. It's NEVER boring.

I feel a great deal of affection for these people for whom I've felt a great deal of respect for years.

I'm not talking celebrity crap. I'm talking like-minded people who work very hard to put out quality broadcasts in the most beautiful diversity and range of materials. Many are volunteers. And even the paid staff gets peanuts, compared to dumps like CNN. Nope, this ain't about THOSE kinds of stars. This is about lodestars and polestars and stars in the eyes.

No extreme makeovers required, except internal ones, and voluntary, at that.

It's a very generous environment, a sanctuary for the mind. I don't mean it's coddling; you're expected to hold your own and take yourself seriously. I don't mean: therapy, family, church. The work does the healing. Just show up, ready to do your best, and the wounds stop hurting so badly.

It's a sanctuary from ignorance, superstition, arrogance, sadism.

Unlike other stations I've worked in, there's not a lot of ego crap, either. Everybody's a contributer. Everybody's valuable and important.

I call Marcos "buddy." I called Renee "girlfriend." And I said I thought Tristan was so cute, I could pinch his cheeks, 'til his neck blushed bright red. Rachel listens and grins at my good news. Paul is always a source of positive feed back and help. It's like that all over the station.

Katie today said, "OH! YOU're the one with that SCOOTER!!" She was excited and happy about it. She wasn't saying it like I'm a freak or suspicious. 'course, she DOES do the Children's Hour, so bright, shiny objects make sense to her...lol

It really is an honor to work with these people. It's quite a crew. I couldn't have picked a better bunch of coconuts, if I'd tried.

I suppose I'm still in my "honeymoon" stage with the station. But usually, by now, that's worn off and it's just another job. Either that, or some arrogant, ignorant butt head has pissed me off to the point where I explode and disappear. I don't think that's going to happen.

My worst fear there is deleting a file or taking the station off the air, both of which are easily remedied, once the panic of Oops subsides.

Besides, I've already TAKEN a station off the air: my very first, the very first time I ever broadcast. So, that's been done, lived through, and laughed about.

I'm starting to hope. I'm not very good at it anymore. I feel awkward about it.

But this feels substantial, beyond wishful thinking. This feels valid, natural, reasonable and logical.

In fact, for the first time in a VERY long time, I'm starting to feel like I have a home.

I start writing news TOMORROW!

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Renee, the news director, has asked me to write a story, and collect the sound, about the Paseo del Norte road nobody wants.

I can't read the story for air. This is because I write commentaries. Opinion and journalism are distinct and, in an ideal world, seperate forms of writing. They should NEVER blend. So, as any GOOD newsroom should, they have an ethical "firewall" between news and commentary.

If I quit producing commentary, I could do news. Neither Renee nor I want that; she likes my commentaries and I LOVE producing them.

So, the best compromise is this one: I will create the story, collect the sound, write the copy. A reporter will read the copy. That person, or I, will edit the story for air.

I'll still get closing credit as a "contributer."

I'm going to keep copies of all these stories for my records, on my domain, as writing samples I can show prospective employers.

In the mean time, I need to get my butt to Human Resources and apply as a temporary employee. Linda, who's in charge of money stuff, has emphatically suggested this to me on several occasions. Hopefully, I can get a temp. assignment, right in KUNM.

Renee would hire me as a reporter, she said. But the University requires a Bachelors Degree. I only have an Associate of Arts. So that will have to wait until I can deal with Voc Rehab, get a job, go back to college and finish my BA in journalism.

In the mean time, it seems I've learned a lot about sound editing, already; apparantly, I'm just about familiar with the basics. This is a reason why Renee has me writing news now: she sees how efficiently I can edit audio.

I was at the station for 12 hrs. today. I practiced on the equipment. I helped Katie, from the Children's Hour, edit some interviews for her show. I recorded 2 commentaries by walk-ins, so Renee could finish putting together the news for tonight.

I'm editing down Katie's story for the news dept.

Then, I had Tristan's audio production class for 2 hours.

There will be little blogging 'til I get this story done for air tomorrow. In fact, there will be little of ANYthing until I get that story in the can.

I have lots of phone calls, writing, recording and editing to do for that story tomorrow.

So, I'll leave here about six thirty am for duck eggs and go DIRECTLY to the station.

Tom Trowbridge, the morning news guy, will be there. He knows a lot of the contacts I'll need to call, so I'll pick his brains. He's going to the Governor's press conference tomorrow, too. He might have some sound for me from the gov.

I have to finish editing Katie's tape and also one commentary. The other aired tonight.

It's going to be a long day tomorrow. I'll try not to go in Thursday.

Beaver, who reads news, is going to a Native conference here next week. She lives VERY far away, and needs a place to crash. So, I need to clean my house before she arrives on Tuesday.

So, basically, I'm up to my butt in alligators and lost my paddle...hell, I ain't even got a canoe!

Please be patient. This is all new to me, and will take me awhile to get adjusted. As of this moment, I don't even know HOW to record telephone interviews!

I'm telling you, that station is the best thing that's happened to me in twenty years...maybe more!

I'm SO tired I can barely walk. And driving back in the dark was terrifying.

But I'd do it again in a minute!

I hope I don't forget to pack lots of food in the morning!

Poor Porkchop almost wagged his butt off when I walked in the house tonight, he was so glad I came back. Poor boy.

Osa's on the pillow under my elbow, pressed against my arm, pretending she doesn't know I'm here, glad to have body contact again.

I'll spend thurs, fri and sat cleaning this place for company, starting the garden, doing laundry...

I am starting to feel like a real human being again.

That place is good medicine.

contraband Porkchop

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I've found a way to smuggle Porkchop onto the UNM campus, without hassles from anybody.

He needs the exercise, running beside me to the duck pond every day. It's healthy for him, and safer for me.

But how do I keep from getting hassled, once I'm on campus?

Well....

Several years ago, I bought one of those large pet carriers, like they use on airlines, at a thriftstore. It was half price: ten dollars.

It's been sitting under a table, gate open, bedding inside, for the cats.

I decorated it with mylar garlands and old AOL.com cds. It fits perfectly into the bed of my trailer.

Porky runs beside me, all the way to a street that enters campus.

There, I open the carrier door and tell him, "go to bed." He jumps in, lies down to sleep, and I lock the door.

I cover the carrier with the tropical fish shower curtain I hooked to the trailer to protect my stuff from rain and sun.

I ride the scooter to the edge of the sidewalk that leads to the duck pond. I get off, engine still running, and walk beside the scooter, using the throttle, so I won't have to push too hard.

I collect my eggs, leave, drive back out to that same street, let Porky out, and we go home.

Nobody knows he's in there, he gets excercise and can't scare anybody, I get my eggs and everybody's happy.

So there.

The carrier works at stores, too. But, there, I put the carrier on the ground, next to the scooter. It scares him to be in the carrier in the wobbly scooter, so I try not to scare him whenever possible. The shower curtain's large enough to cover the carrier and trailer, side-by-side. I go shopping, come out, let Porky out of the carrier, put the carrier back in the trailer and put my groceries in the carrier.

So, nobody can touch Porky while I'm in the store and can't keep an eye on him.

Tah dah!

Ten eggs today.

Got the tomato sauce done last night, let it cool on the stove overnight. It's all put away now. I ended up with about two gallons, as I'd thought. It's rich and tangy, aromatic and thick. It's just perfect and I can't wait to cook with it next week!

I'm taking it easy for the rest of the morning.

I'm heading to KUNM today for what looks like a long afternoon/evening. I won't be back 'til well after dark.

I'm packing 2 chicken thighs, a steamed artichoke, fruit, cheese, Easter candy, yogurt and a bagel with a tad of cream cheese. I might take some of my tea blend, too. It's probably more than I'll need, but I don't know how long I'll be there, and I'll be danged if I'll go hungry! I may take some macaroni with that tomato sauce and goat cheese, too. Let 'em smell that sauce at the station, and maybe I can get work, preparing lunches for people!

I'll pick up some clutter this morning and burn some papers in the fire place. I need more ashes for the garden, anyway.

It's a beautiful day out there!

u should smell my house!

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I've got the tomatoes cleaned, blanched, food processed and cooking.

I ended up with about 3 gallons of stuff, but I'm reducing it into thick sauce.

It's got fresh basil, oregano, marjoram, garlic, onions.

I threw in a few dried chilis, too, and a fresh one.

It's very sweet sauce; those tomatoes were fresh as apples!

The bad tomatoes are out in my compost already.

I brought home literaly a car trunk full of food yesterday, and it's all put up today.

Good thing I found those zipper freezer bags today, so I can put up that tomato sauce in the KUNM freezer! There's going to be at least two gallons!

I'm letting it simmer for hours.

It sure smells wonderful! Glad I got me some marked down spaghetti today; I'm going to have to eat some of that!

Smells like an Italian restaurant in here. Nothin' like fresh herbs! yummy!

I'm gonna HAVE to grow me some basil, somehow!~ I'm addicted to the stuff!

My house still looks like crazy people live here, but I just don't have the strength to do it all.

I have a long day at the radio station tomorrow, anyway...

Now, what will I have for dinner: ham with pineapple, chicken with pineapple, chicken with spaghetti, fried fish, or cheese and fruit?

I HAVE OPTIONS!!! GOOD ONES!!!

I'm so happy, I could pop!

amazed!

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I finally got my sorry butt out of bed, showered, grabbed Porky and went to Smith's.

Easter was yesterday; today, the candy's marked down. I got wonderful stuff, like almond joys and hershey kisses and cadbury and dove...great candies!

I also found gourmet, low fat burger marked down to a dollar fifty per pound; bought 2.

THey had 2 large cans of pineapple juice, 3 boxes of "cheese cake mix," and 2 boxes of freezer zipper bags, all marked real cheap. And a box of crackers.

I unpacked it all, put away the dishes, and have things ready to stew that case of tomatoes tonight, when it cools down.

There's food everywhere! Leeks, artichokes, asparagus, pears, blood oranges, purple potatoes, hummus, couscous....

there's tons of gourmet, organic food and lots of meats all over my house!

I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT!!!!!! and it's not crap; it's GOOD FOOD! Pure, healthy, wholesome food.

I stood in my kitchen and just cried.

it's hard to walk

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I'm supposed to collect duck eggs. I'm supposed to volunteer at Nelson's office.

but I can barely walk.

I feel like I've been beaten.

My legs feel so hot and heavy. They're tingling and there's some numbness.

It's even hard to hold up my head.

Fat

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Gnawing on a rib bone

Lamb lard,
thicker than shortening,
full of scent of prey,
squeezes from between my teeth,
slicks my lips
where it cools
and stiffens to tallow.

I roll my lips together,
spreading the ooze,
feel grease sweat
from the corners of my mouth
and slowly coat my chin.

I smear it with the back of my hand,
pretending I'm wiping it off,
but secretly spreading
the luxury to the edges of my cheeks,
over my upper lip
all the way to the tip of my nose.

I don't listen to the bleating
I hear in the back of my throat
I don't dwell on the liquid eyes,
rimmed in fluttering lashes.

The only liquid I crave is this fat,
this extacy of smear,
tender, smoky, savage scent
of force-fed, fattened lamb.

Sacrificed for my redemption,
crispy crusted succulence.
My body rejoices in this abundance,
this sacred ritual
of sated mouth.

so much FOOD!

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I have lots of bread, tortillas and English muffins.

I have about 20 lbs. of fruits and vegies, including mushrooms and fresh ginger!!!

I have about five gallons of Roma tomatoes, that I'm going to make sauce from, with fresh: basil, marjoram and oregano. I have plenty of my own garlic, so I'll use some of that, too.

I have spinich salad.

For Easter dinner, I just ate spinich salad with honey mustard dressing and a chunk of lamb.

I'm drying out the herbs in strainers right now.

I'm cooking down about five gallons of roma tomatoes, tofu, black beans, herbs, onions for stew next week. I'll freeze it in the Volunteer refrigerator at KUNM this week, bring it home to thaw on Thurs afternoon.

I got rides to everything: Project Share, KUNM, back to PS, and home with a TRUNK full of food!

I made a huge chocolate cake with oatmeal and topped it with fruit in cornstarch and syrup sauce.

There weren't a lot of people at Civic Plaza today, so we had leftovers.

The leftover Easter eggs I gave to the director of Project Share, to put in kids' Easter baskets for supper tonight.

I'm so tired, I can barely move!

It never snowed or rained here today, so that's lucky. But the WIND! BRRRR.....

I have most of the food put away already. Some is stored outside temporarily.

I'll never go hungry again! I can't wait! I'll be stronger, slimmer, healthier.

I can eat as much produce as I want, for the rest of my life!

White Easter

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Well, it's not snowing right here, yet, but lots of people are digging through snow on their egg hunts this morning.

Sunrise services are suffering bad attendence. I'll never understand that: their god, they say, suffered horribly for them; but they can't brave an inch of snow, or some cold wind, for their god? whoa....

I paid homage to the Goddess of Duck Eggs already this morning. Poor duckies: when the weather's cold on weekends, they have nothing to eat. Weekdays, the gardener feeds them. Warm days, people bring bread and stuff.

But on a cold, windy weekend day, the duckies go hungry, if the bugs aren't near the surface of the soil.

The ducks don't like me; I rob their nests. But they were so desperate today, they all came toward me as I made my rounds.

Poor duckies.

I forgot to bring them some old cereal and bread I have, darn it!

I noticed yesterday that they were begging; today, they're darn near frantic.

I'm wearing my Easter dress, anyway. I put my camel hair coat over it outside...jacket, really. I wear ski pants under it outside.

I'm hungry, but Food Not Bombs starts in about an hour, so I think I'll wait 'til then.

I got six duck eggs today. I've got about 45 boiled and dyed for the homeless people.

I got pretty cold out there this morning. My cheeks are buzzing.

Tomorrow, easter candy goes on sale! whoo hoo!

grrr

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Something happened to Blogger yesterday: the service that allows me to publish blog posts.

In bloggerforum.com this morning, a post says blogger's back online and functioning.

I still don't see one of my Hood Life posts from yesterday. Maybe it'll show up after I publish this post.

Sure hope so. That was scary! I thought, oh, no, they've tweaked something, and now blogger's incompatible with MSNTV! If that had happened, my blogging days would have been over!

Whew!