Preparing For TURKEY!

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I was going to work in the yard, when suddenly I remembered: TURKEYS GO ON SALE WEDNESDAY! Good lord, I'm going to be shopping and cooking! I've got to get ready! It's the last day, cuz I'll need to rest up for a long shopping trip on Wed!

Whenever I move, I try really hard to make my itsy bitsy slum kitchens as user friendly as possible, as soon as I unpack. But kitchens are more fluid than other rooms: I'm always dragging in more stuff. If it's not food, it's small appliances, cook ware, etc. I find in the trash.

Yesterday's dumpster dive netted me a butcher block knife block, complete with knives (I can always use extra knives; they come in handy for crafts projects, too, so duplicates go into craft supplies) and a miniature cuisinart, presumably for herbs.

I looked at my Parsons' shelf. On top, I have my microwave, a lamp, my cute maple syrup cans shaped like cabins, and some wine bottles of rice, tapioca and sesame seeds. Oh, and a lamp, shaped like a tea pot; I like to SEE my dishes, while I wash them!

The second shelf was full of cereals in mouse proof containers. Those needed to move. I got all my small kitchen appliances and put them on that second shelf, easy to plug in to the power strip. I moved my plastic storage containers and my basket full of foils, plastic bags, etc. and put them on the shelf by the table, where the appliances had been.

I washed out my turkey roaster.

I inventoried the cabinets. For some reason, I have a box of Stove Top Stuffing. I'll use the seasoning inside the bird, without the stuffing and mix some of it with fresh sage, rosemary, black pepper, tumeric and powdered chicken boullion, whipped in butter, to massage under the breast skin.

I stuff my turkey for baking with whole onions and potatoes. They're easy to remove immediately for storage. They provide flavor and moisture to the breast.

I make my stuffing on the stove. It's why I bought 2 loaves of cheap wheat sandwich bread last week: one for toast, one for stuffing. I cube the bread, throw it in my giant, 2 gallon collander, cover with netting, and set outside to dry for a couple of days.

I melt butter in a sauce pan, add turkey juice, nuts, raisins, dried cranberries (when I can find them), fresh sage, candied lemon or orange peel, one of the onions (chopped in the food processor), black pepper, chopped celery. I simmer slowly, until the raisins and cranberries are plumped. I use very little fruit; I don't want to make fruit bread pudding. I let it cool COMPLETELY!

Once it's cold, I whip two or three eggs into the mixture.

I put my croutons in the turkey roaster.

I ALWAYS dismember my turkey into a plastic container as soon as it's cool enough to handle; it takes less room in the refrigerator and I can get it cold FAST, before bacteria grow.

I slowly pour my stuffing goop over the bread, folding it in gently with the widest spoon I can find. I smooth it down by patting it; I don't want to break the bread.

I cover the roaster and bake in a 350 degree farenheit oven for about twenty minutes or so. Once it's good and brown and doesn't jiggle, it's done.

I usually have some turkey juice left over, even with the stuffing. I make gravy with that.

But first, I cube some potatoes in it and cook them tender for mashed potatoes...might as well have them turkey flavored, too!

You can always add chicken boullion, if you don't have enough turkey juices.

Here's my gravy: Melt a couple of tablespoons of butter on low heat. Whisk in about three or four tablespoons of flour, any kind, until blended into a nice, smooth paste. Start adding milk slooooowly, so you don't make lumps, whisking as hard and fast as possible. Once it's blended, let it cook down a bit, add more milk, etc. I put TONS of black pepper in my gravy. This is one of the only foods where I might actually add some salt. Usually, I just sprinkle in a bit of powdered chicken boullion, though.

My taters are mashed with a potato masher, the old fashoned way, with the skins on. Lots of minerals. I add milk and butter. I can get them just as fluffy and soft as can be, with a potato masher. No need for the egg beater. Besides, have you ever flung a glob of mashed potatoes across a room with an electric egg beater!?!

Those are the main components of turkey dinner. We can fight about recipes, if you want, but that's just a quick and easy way I like to do things: no fuss and feathers.

I'll tell you about my cranberry relish. Everybody loves it and begs for it.

2 sacks, minimum, of REAL cranberries. Wash, inspect for booboos and leaves or stems. Drain and dry thoroughly.

In a food processor, COARSLY chop: 2 cup cranberries to one orange and half an apple. Add sugar to taste. Keep mixing fruits 'til all is done. Mix all together in a big bowl. Keep your greedy mouth off it for a few hours, to let the sugars and juices blend thoroughly. If you can. I recommend 2 bags because the damn stuff is absolutely addictive and disappears faster than the turkey! I just about smother my turkey in cranberry relish. No gravy; that's for taters and stuffing.

Now, do NOT tell me it's a lot of work! Cubing the bread for the stuffing takes the most time of any, single chore, and that only takes a couple of minutes!

Now, it occurs to me that some of you may be intimidated by turkey. Get over it. It's a dead bird, not a Picasso. Here's how to cook the dang bird.

As soon as you get its frozen butt home, remove the wrapper and wash it in warm water. Rub with salt, to kill bacteria and rinse again. Drain thoroughly and pat dry with paper napkins or towels or whatever. Cut the cooking instructions off the bag and WASH THEM! Nail them to the cabinet, if you have to, but keep the cooking directions!

Seal the rest of the bag, giblets bag, whatever in a plastic grocery bag, march outside, and throw it in the trash! You DO NOT want those bacteria breeding in your waste basket!

Throw the bird in the turkey roaster or something covered and shove it in the lowest part of the refrigerator, as far away from the cooling coils as you can get. Let it thaw for a couple of days. Every now and again, wiggle the legs, wings and flaps over the cavities until they're loosened from the body. The body will thaw faster that way. As soon as you can get in there, pull the giblets package out of the cavity. These days, they throw in other stuff, too, like gravy mix (feed it to the dog; don't ruin your turkey with that crap) and "soup mix" (soup, schmoop; it's great in the mashed taters, the gravy and the stuffing), so make sure you've dug everything out! Once the cavity's clean, do the rinse/salt thing again.

ALWAYS clean sinks, cutting boards, knives, counter tops, hands...whatever has touched that turkey IMMEDIATELY with some bleachy water! Those damn bacteria will give you the squirts and ruin your turkey!!! Keep that turkey cold until you're ready to use it!

Like I say, I stuff my turkey with whole onions and potatoes, and massage herb butter (and I MEAN butter, not margerine!) under the breast skin. If you don't care how the turkey looks, flip it breast side down...the juices will give you a breast as juicy as a peach. If you want a Norman Rockwell turkey, put it breast side up. Wrap some foil on the wing tips, so they won't burn; same with the ends of the drum sticks.

Now, massage some herb butter on every visible surface and speak nicely to your bird, telling it how beautiful it's going to be.

THOROUGHLY WASH YOUR HANDS!

Cover your bird and toss it in a preheated, 450 degree farenheit oven... cook for about twenty minutes, to seal the skin (keeps more juices inside the muscle, insted of in the pan!).

Baste bird. Get used to basting bird. If you're a good mother, you will be basting that damned bird every thirty minutes, for however many hours it takes, until that dang bird is done. It keeps the skin from turning leathery. It keeps the breast moist. It steams the vegetables in the cavity. It gives the skin a beautiful tan, especially if you've added some tumeric.

Reduce heat to 350 degrees farenheit. I think they want about twenty minutes per pound; read what the processor instructions are on the bag.

I cook my turkeys at night, timing them to be done an hour before I go to sleep. This warms the house, too. I get to gnaw on a wing while I dismember the bird to put in my plastic refrigerator container. I make my stuffing and gravy. Usually, I've already spooned off enough turkey juice for the taters, so they're already done.

In an hour, the stuffing's done. I munch some of that with gravy and taters..and a tad more turkey. Toss it all in the fridge and go to sleep.

There is nothing like waking the morning after you've made a turkey dinner. A slight aroma lingers in the air. I wake, knowing something wonderful waits for me. The first day, breakfast, lunch and dinner are all turkey dinners!

It doesn't last long, at my house. My cats and dogs love turkey dinner, too. Except for the cranberry relish; that's all mine.

It's wholesome comfort food; it brings back some pleasant memories. It fills me with energy and protein to work in the cold. And ten or more servings of turkey dinner cost me five dollars!