I don't wanna

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Woke feeling poopy. Lots of pressure in my head, verging on a headache, threatening me not to over exert myself.

Stayed up too late, to see Kucinich shoot 3 pointers while holding a doll. He's a tiny guy, but, apparantly, was a good basket ball player in school. The host kept trying to make a joke of him, but Kucinich ain't about that. Oh, he's funny as heck, but he ain't the butt of anybody's joke; he believes too much in what he advocates.

I guess holding the doll was to be a reference to politicians kissing babies? Who knows... those tv types are all under the influence of something, if only hubris.

Woke with the dog and old Mugwart slobbering on me.

I've got to shower before I go to the radio station. I'm dreading it, and I've got to do it soon, so my hair will be dry before the long walk to the station. I'm woozie, and always fear falling in the shower.

It's in the low 20s outside. The walk will be torture.

I feel guilty, because I want to call the station and beg for a snow day. But there's hardly any snow on this side of town. And I don't want to look like a flake.

Of course, nobody else at the station will have walked as far as I, on aching legs, with creaky back, pushing a cart. But I always forget that car people have it easier than I; I always just feel inadequate, an outsider, a loser.

Well, it's a quarter to nine. I'll be leaving at about ten; it's an hour walk each way.

So, I'd best shower now, so I have time to prepare some food and let my hair dry.

I get embarrassed about how weird I am. It's tempting to give up.

But I can't stand not trying. Being at the radio station feels like my last chance to prove I'm worthy. It's a real struggle. Like all people, I feel failure. And, no, I don't want to embarrass myself.

But I seem to be the only truly-low-income person who's willing to take a public profile. I have a LOT more to say about that.

But right now, I need to shower.