lumps

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It has taken me a few days to figure out how to post this. I'm not ashamed; I haven't done anything wrong.

But there are some sick people on the 'net.

Here's the thing: I've found two lumps.

I first noticed some sensitivity several days ago while grooming.

They're the size of peas. They're very hard. One is just below the surface of my skin. The other is larger and deeper under the skin.

The area is very sore now. The pain is about equal to a stubbed toe or a punch in the nose.

I'm hoping to hell it's because I almost always have a systemic infection, caused by my rotting teeth.

There have been lumps in the area before, which turned out to be infections.

None, however, have been so close to very sensitive nerve endings.

I am not a filthy person. I have no socially transmitted diseases. I'm always careful with my grooming, because I can't afford to get sick.

I'm scared. I don't want to get medical treatment for several reasons. First, I hate how I've been mocked, both when I lost my baby and once afterward. Second, as an incest survivor who has been mutilated, I do NOT want further physical trauma! Third, I do NOT want to undergo the humiliation of their judgments of me, regarding the most intimate part of myself.

They'll think I'm unclean. But it's not my fault my teeth are rotting and infecting my entire body!

So, despite the discomfort and fear, I'll wait and hope these heal.

I'm applying warm compresses, to try to bring the infection to the surface. I'm swabbing the area with hydrogen peroxide, to prevent further infections.

gawdDAM it! I deserve some dang dignity!