to KUNM

You are reading http://livinginthehood.blogspot.com

Dear Rachel, Marcos and Paul,

I want to thank you for your generosity, respect, kindness and welcome.

I'm not accustomed to such, and every smile, kind word, explanation of equipment and operations, and silly gesture is medicine to me.

Since I screwed up the courage to walk into that station, something profoundly damaged in me is beginning to heal.

I respect and appreciate the work of the station so much. To be welcomed into such useful and necessary work is a paradigm shift for me.

I get treated very badly, out on the streets of Albuquerque. Some people see me, Porkchop and my cart and prejudge me. I think many assume I'm crazy and that I'm homeless. If these things were true, they ought to be reason for compassion and patience. Instead, I'm treated with contempt, scorn, abuse.

I try to be dignified, but it's very hard.

An intelligent, articulate, creative, inquisitive person like me doesn't wind up eating out of dumpsters and pulling her own teeth unless something catastrophic has happened to her.

Slowly, I'll begin to reveal my story. I'm dancing all around it, with my sonnets, blogs, KUNM commentaries, etc.

I hope to do more. I hope to speak about some of the disadvantaged, particularly for those who've lost, or never had, a voice. My experience isn't singular; it's symptomatic.

But I'm very traumatized. I'm in a lot of pain. I'm scared and self protective. It will take time.

Please be patient with me, if I'm too needy or peculiar. My social skills are out of shape. And I'm so close to the edge of failure, I sometimes get frantic.

I have much to offer KUNM. I have much to offer, period, when someone will let me and not slam doors in my face. KUNM hasn't done so, and I'm very grateful.

I need to tell my experiences to the public: the beatings, the rapes, the death of my daughter, the homelessness, the constant rejection when I'm out in public. I need to be part of the solution, not a victim of the problems.

I will work like a dang dog for KUNM, if I can have a little space at the station in which to do my work. I'm very loyal. I have integrity. I'm a good "mother" and a supportive friend.

I'm not at the station to massage my ego, brandish my manifestos, steal the CDs, mystify the obvious or otherwise do anything that will place more of a drain on the station.

I really want to be useful. Correction: I really NEED to be useful!

Everybody at the station has been SO NICE to me! What a nurturing and productive environment you've all created together!

Even the grumpy people are funny!

Thank you for this opportunity to be part of the KUNM community.

Please thank Tristan for helping me with my last commentary sound file. He was professional, respectful and informative.

You guys have helped me more than you'll ever know and more than I could ever articulate, and I ain't a shabby writer.

Keep the faith,

Rogi Riverstone

http://rriverstone.com