I have no idea why, but I freaked.
It happened while I was looking for the outfit I'd planned to wear tonight.
Part of it's missing; can't find it anywhere.
I finally found a decent substitute.
But, for some reason, when I couldn't find my clothes, I just freaked out about reading tonight.
I started ragging myself for my body, my people skills, my writing, my health...blah blah blah.
Now, I'm pretending to watch soap operas, to calm down.
Then, I plan a long, warm shower with lots of preening and grooming.
I ate some icky pizza for late lunch. I hoped to eat late enough to not be hungry at Blue Dragon, but not smell of garlic. But the pizza was really icky: just didn't taste good.
So, I'll cut off a small piece of sirloin to pan fry in a few minutes. That's neutral, and digests slowly.
I smell fear in my sweat.
I'm glad I prepared. I don't want any unnecessary surprises tonight.
After I'm bathed and fed, I'll practice reading it aloud a few times--not obsessively, but just to get the cadance, and the emphasis, down. I'll remember how it sounded.
I'm not sure WHY this is so hard for me. I think it's because it's the Blue Dragon, and artsy people go there.
I read once before in this town, but it was a familiar venue, and a very small group. I brought my poetry, in CASE I wanted to read. I would have been happy, just listening, had circumstances been uncomfortable.
I'll be ok. I can always back out, if I really need to...
I know: It's the future, and the future doesn't exist. So why worry?
Got a lot of "street" in me: always on the look out for danger....
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