Muscle cramps again the last, two days, and a tender belly; don't know why.
We had plenty of food today. Made bagel pizzas, soup, fruit & vegie salads, Spanish rice with spinich.
I have plenty of leftovers.
One girl took me to Smith's afterward. The BEST score was prime ribs! A whole side, for five bucks!
Just finished broiling them in Worchestershire sauce, blackening rub and "teriaki" sauce. Oh GAWD!
I hurt BAD! I'm really weak.
While the kids were gone, I called Ut Oh.
I'm perfectly fine now. All that Stuff has now shifted back onto my healing process. I don't need to feel embarrassed, awkward, none of that crap.
The Most Squeezable Butt In Albuquerque is fine, too.
I'm proud of myself; that took real guts. It also took good judgment; I wouldn't have said it to a lesser person.
Makes me think I can apologize to people I've offended & hurt at the station. I can be honest about my responsibility in it.
I'll send them individual emails first, asking for a ten minute meeting, if they're willing, so I can apologize.
I don't expect to be welcomed back with open arms. I half expect someone to call campus police to escort me off the property, given how things operate over there.
As anybody must know by now, I'm not happy, confined in the newsroom. Having a home studio will alleviate a lot of that.
If they don't banish me outright, I'll ask to record long distance interviews there, produce pieces, share interviews they can edit, etc., in exchange.
After 4 more NNN stories, or 2 FSRN stories, or a combo of that, I can buy a minidisc. That'll mean I can do a helluva lot of work right from here.
I really f...ed up, but I won't make THAT mistake again!
And I played right into the thinking that I can't be trusted. Dang! STUPID!
Oh, well. Time and distance will help. So will it help when I generate quality content, which I will.
I felt desperate, cornered, disrespected, etc and that's the WORST feeling in a situation like that! So, I acted like a victim, did some passive aggressive, indirect crap, and made things worse.
I have GOT to be honest, in a healthy way! I expect no support or validation for it, but I've GOT to do it, otherwise, what's the dang point?
Well, it's almost 4pm now; a movie should be coming on. It's very hard to eat ribs and type at the same time, y'know.
My denim skirt looks WONDERFUL! It's not completely done, but it really looks nice. Wore it to the store today.
It's only 4, but it feels like midnight. Of course, I cooked for forty people, without eating all day! DUMB!
SO, I'm pretty sleepy and hungry and a bunch of other dwarves.
At least it's all out in the open now. Wasn't my best method of self expression, of course. I've been TRYING to tell them!
I've got to make opportunities for myself in which the opinions of my personal life won't interfere with my production. They don't need to know me; they need to hear my work. I'm good, I really am.
I just hope I haven't pissed everybody off so badly they run me off the property....gawd!
I'll figure it out, one way or another.
RIBS! TV!
byeeeee....
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