I wish you could sit by me

You are reading http://livinginthehood.blogspot.com

...while I grieve.

All this love: mangos, fireflies, pearls, sequoias, dolphins, meteors, eclairs, kittens, chimes, feathers, snow and turquoise.

All this love: ridiculed, taunted, trampled, ignored, raped, slapped, kicked, punched, evicted, mocked, exposed, slashed and burned.

I wish you'd sit by me, so I could feel your warmth near my skin.

I wish you'd sit by me, so I could hear your breath near my face.

I wish you'd sit by me, so I could see your eyes near mine.

I wish you'd sit by me, feeling me shake.

I wish you'd sit by me, hearing me tell.

I wish you'd sit by me, watching me weep.

Alone, I struggle to make sense of shards.

Love is my most precious talent.

Love is what I do best.

Love is my reason for breathing.

Why am I not allowed to lavish it on anyone?

Why doesn't anyone seem to want it?

Solitary confinement: I've gotten accustomed to it.

I made my self small enough.

But these shards; I can't help stepping on them in the dark.

Don't worry; they can't cut you.

You're not in here, with me.

You're out there, in the world of baseball games, ocean tides, date books, auto mechanics....

I'm in here, with shards.

Years' experience has taught me. I can't glue it all back together again.

I've tried.

It twinkles crazy quilt on these concrete blocks.

For a few days, I see my slashed reflection in the reassembled pieces.

But the only glue I have is made from chewed papers and my own blood.

The first gust of a sigh, the first moisture from a tear, and the whole thing collapses.

It falls like water. It falls like illusion.

It falls at my feet in tinier shards.

Please, sit with me.

I have no broom, nothing to put the pieces in, no place to throw them out.

I sit here, day after day, afraid to move, with nothing to look at but my slashed reflection in these shards.

All this love, broken on the floor, hurting me.

And no way out.