Ra,
That was written from my dark side. I went there because it's familiar.
But it scared me.
So, I did something I never do: I made a phone call. I called ....
He said what you've said.
And he's loaning me some equipment, so I can start a studio at my home.
I'll sell stories to NNN & FSRN for now, to get the rest of the equipment I need, and to join A.I.R. They'll be broadcast on KUNM.
Ma betrayed me yesterday, forcing me into a meeting for which I was not prepared. I had just discussed, the previous day, that I needed to have him mediate a meeting between myself and Re, that I needed to prepare an agenda, and that I needed time for some emotional distance, before presenting my concerns.
I've emailed him about it. I can't trust him again. His reply is that everything's just hunky dory. It's not.
I'm not the only person at the station who has problems with Re. I AM the only person whose been made the Tar Baby.
So, she thinks she can't "trust me" with a damn KUNM mic?
...'s trusting me with a grand in equipment. And he's actually excited about me doing radio.
I won't be back 'til I have scooter tires.
I've already emailed To, warning him I'll be coming in very early to work before the others show up.
Re has abused me, painted me into a corner and dismissed me. I've been an amateur journalist for thirty years, Ra.
Through factory jobs, sickness and financial insecurity, I've always managed to do something in media.
I'm minimizing the damage this has caused. I'm taking Re out of the position of being the gatekeeper, allowing/preventing my access to the station.
If you can't beat 'em, build your own sound studio.
Somehow, ... sees me. If you cut him, he'd bleed vacuum tubes, razor blades and CDs.
So, I'm picking his brains and feeding him tomato sauce. I insist on paying him, and all I have is Food Not Bombs stuff.
I'm going to spend a LOT of time at the A.I.R. web site and other such places, training myself and finding work.
I went from having to stand up, so I wouldn't get blood on my dress to having everything I need to take care of myself in less than a week, from selling stuff to FSRN and NNN. There's money in my wallet and in my bank.
Today was food stamps day, and I didn't even need to go shopping.
Usually, by the 8th of the month, the cash is gone and I'm desperate for groceries.
That was two, small radio stories.
Re is gaslighting me, to make herself look good at my expense. I'm not what's wrong with the newsroom.
Thanks for getting me that Cirt or whatever it's called. They've already emailed me, to let me know "rriverstone" was too long; my account name will be "rriverst." So, whatever they're doing, it has begun. Using another ISP will cut my WebTV bill in half, too. So, I can use both appliances for the 'net.
Thanks for your kind words and encouragement.
I'm breaking out of the newsroom now. I mean, I'll still do KUNM news. But there's a huge world out there, begging for content.
The Roches, an a capella sisters group, had a song back in '76. The last line was, "All of you will buy a ticket, just to see my face again."
I told Ma, in my email to him, I won't always be poor, powerless, disadvantaged....but I'll remember how he treated me when I was.
And I'll remember how YOU treated me. It's a world of difference, and I'm grateful.
Tr looks haunted. I'm not going to bug him about studio time and crap if I can help it. He actually looks like he's in pain. Poor thing.
So, I'll hang in there, sell $300 worth of stories, get out of debt with that damn, predatory bank, and buy me a MiniDisc recorder. That's the only thing left I'll need to start home production.
A year from now, I plan to have my own equipment.
I knew this would be hard, Ra. I had no idea they'd pile extra suffering onto me with their resistance. Y'know that bumpersticker, "attitudes are the real disabilities?" Well, I've had a belly full of attitude.
I've done everything asked of me and that's still "not enough." Says more about the general health of the station, than about me.
I'd help, if they'd let me. But what I offer gets thrown back in my face.
So, they can keep their Starship Enterprise.
I'll work around the edges.
But I will never forget your support.
Thanks,
Rogi
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