That's what Tr told me today. And he's absolutely right.
What's happened is that I've reached a plateau. My learning curve was much faster than any of us expected. I mean, I'm a freelance reporter for 3 news agencies now!
I don't have a car and I don't have my own equipment, so I'm pretty well grounded at KUNM, in the newsroom, for now. That's why I was feeling stuck. I was never out of my little corner enough to hook up with other, local talent and independent producers.
So, I was feeling painted into a corner.
And I sincerely believe Re would keep me there. I think that's why she was angry about my conversation with An and Be, about independent producing for FSRN.
And that's why I feel like Re's bitch.
And there IS a double standard; she doesn't treat others like she treats me. That's just a fact.
Re's the gate keeper, granting me access to the station. If I alienate her, really piss her off, or do something neglectful because of the stress on my memory, she could throw me out on my butt.
I've avoided confrontation in order to keep my access to the station.
But it's been hell on my self esteem, for one thing. And it's kept me confined in a role I didn't agree to, initially.
This is NOT My Fair Lady and I am NOT her Liza Doolittle! And I resent the implication that I need Re for an "extreme makeover." This is not my metaphor; it's from a conversation Ra told me she'd had with Re.
I was insulted, but didn't say so.
I don't have a clue how one does this sort of thing, professionally. But Tr, Ma and ... are all supportive of my efforts, and that means a LOT!
I must remain very calm. I can't feel hurt or frightened. I have to approach this like I do broken equipment, computer glitches, or scheduling conflicts.
So, I'm preparing an agenda for my meeting with Re and Ma, which I'll email to him. I told him I understand he has another job besides me, so I understand if he'd rather not involve himself. But he has agreed to both the meeting and to offering me feedback on my agenda, when I submit it.
I'm learning a lot about effective communication from Laura, a woman from the New Mexico Science Fair, who works on the first floor. She's very effective and efficient, but knows everybody's names and stories. SHe's friendly, loud, funny, supportive and very clever. And everybody likes her. And she's completely genuine.
I'm also learning a lot from some of the other volunteers, with whom I've had WAY too little association. I plan to change that.
In fact, that meeting on Saturday was so productive, I sincerely feel I learned more from it than from the original conference.
So, I'm preparing to ask Ra if we could schedule more such meetings. Sort of show-and-tell, how-to sessions. Topics could range from: content to equipment, freelancing to editing, and everthing in between.
Da's bringing me an old, metal desk they were going to throw out; it's a perfect cooking surface, and has drawers for utensils, etc.
I hope the refrigerator comes today, too.
.... gave me a ride home. I gave him a quart of tomato sauce! LOL.
I'll get rid of all that tomato sauce, one way or another... jees!
All in all, it has been a very productive day.
And I got home early, so I could cool off, rest and eat my pizza!
I can't WAIT to get those scooter tires!
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