I just figured out today I've only been volunteering at KUNM for two months! In that time, I've produced seven or eight news stories and about the same number of commentaries.
I've sold three stories, freelance.
I pretty much know how to operate windowsXP now. I know how to edit and mix digital audio.
I'm feeding a family of hummingbirds and growing flowers on the patio there.
I've met scientists, politicians and celebrities.
I've pissed off some of the finest minds in Albuquerque.
I've fed people.
I've helped them solve problems, from near evictions to cats with absesses.
And the Native Americans have accepted me as family, even though I'm whiter than Michael Jackson....well, NOBODY's that white!
I've given some hugs, plenty of compliments.
I've done useful, productive and helpful work.
I've even repaired some office equipment and cleaned a refrigerator!
I've only been there TWO MONTHS!
I've done it without: money, a car, a home computer, much physical strength, university education, enough to eat, all my teeth, any familiarity with office procedures.
I'm a former teen runaway, an incest, rape and abuse survivor. I have no friends or family here. Two thirds of my income go to rent. I eat and wear garbage.
Yet, I've managed to teach myself career skills that have turned in to almost three hundred dollars' pay!
And I'm just starting!
This KUNM thing was the BEST idea I've had in a VERY long time!
It's harder than HELL! It HURTS! Physically and emotionally.
But I got a notice today about a News Producer job, and KNEW I could do it! A year from now, if the same position were to open up, I'd apply. It pays thirty-one hundred a MONTH! That's nineteen dollars an hour! And I could do it from here!
So, even though I sometimes want to SHOOT someone at the station...OR myself...it's really worth it.
It shouldn't be this stressful, of course. There's a lot of unnecessary suffering involved.
But I'm getting the hang of it.
Maybe, two months from now, it won't be this hard.
I dreamed about what I could do with nearly forty thousand dollars per year.
I'd buy me those teeth that screw into your jaws with titanium screws. I'd buy me a powerful lap top, with all the "fixin's." I'd pay off my student loans and go back to school. I'd buy me a REAL scooter--not a car.
And I'd buy me a double wide and a lot to put it on, out in the country, where I could raise my poultry and goats in peace!
And the best part? I was absolutely SURE I could do that job!!! I KNEW I could!
But I'll take this year to get REALLY good, produce lots of stuff, get my name out there, prove my reliability and sincerity.
By the time I apply for a job like that, they won't be able to turn me down!
I'm GOOD at radio! I mean, I'm GOOD!
I always said: it's my MIND that is my ticket out of poverty. All I'm good at is writing.
I'm useless in a factory anymore.
But I was so beaten down, and so trapped in that War Zone without a car, I couldn't have done this, living there. I could have been killed, just trying to walk home from the bus stop at night! I never went out at night, when I lived there.
I can do this.
With people like ..., Tr, Le, Ma, Ra and Da encouraging me, I'm going to be fine.
Hell, even To is warming up to me now; he actually smiles, sometimes, when he sees me coming. LOL
I'm going to be OK.
I can do this.
Now, if you don't mind, I think I'll have me a good cry
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